… the process of becoming who you are is defined by carving back the possibilities that were already present. You become who you are not because of what grows in your brain, but because of what is removed.
Brain, Page 26 (David Eagleman)
As seen in the above quote, Eagleman makes an important statement: It’s not about adding, but subtracting!
The Choices That Shape Our Identity
Remember, some of us had big dreams as children, like becoming an astronaut or achieving other lofty goals. Some may still hold on to these ambitions, but most of us have already let go of them. As we age, our goals tend to decrease, change, or disappear. As David Eagleman said, “You become who you are not because of what grows in your brain, but because of what is removed.”
In the later stages of life, the dreams, paths, and opportunities we leave behind contribute to shaping who we are.
The Disappearance of Possibilities
When we are born, our brain arrives with infinite potential. During childhood, our brain is filled with countless neural connections, but over time, the connections that are not used weaken or disappear. This is a kind of pruning process in the brain. This process not only facilitates learning but also maturation and becoming an individual. Thus, our identity is shaped not only by what we add but also by what we leave behind.
The brain’s selective process works like a map that determines who we are. The roads we close and the possibilities we eliminate over time help us better understand who we are today.
So, What Is This?
Everything we experience in life leads us to certain choices and directions while causing us to leave others behind. Therefore, the things in life that didn’t go well, were left incomplete, or were abandoned have a meaning. They are the fundamental building blocks that make up your identity.
What Does This Awareness Bring Us?
This awareness brings us deep freedom. It allows us to see our past losses and regrets with more understanding. Instead of blaming ourselves or feeling inadequate, recognizing that our past choices have shaped who we are today leads us to a happier and more balanced life. Seeing the importance of choices helps us understand not only what we did but also what we didn’t do. This way, we can better know, accept ourselves, and make more conscious decisions in the future.
Conclusion
In conclusion, it’s not just what we add, but also what we subtract, that plays a role in defining our identity.
If what we do or don’t do makes us who we are, instead of being hard on ourselves, we need to be kind and shape our future. At this moment, with this awareness, we can consider what to change, what to add or subtract.
For instance, if you missed out on becoming an engineer—your dream—because you didn’t study math in the past, or if you ended up attending a less prestigious university, this should give you a realization: I must be more diligent where needed to achieve my goal.
If this realization isn’t gained, the same outcomes may be inevitable in different areas.
If what you didn’t do also makes you who you are, you can turn this into an opportunity. With this awareness, eliminating or reducing some options, while adding, continuing, or correcting others, could be a chance for you.
What do you think about this?